You think the government is frustrating? Try being a federal employee!

We did get a FEW snow flurries in Georgia on Sunday. Nothing stuck or stayed, but it was REAL snow. (-:

I'm really, really frustrated with my job. According to Ben's sermon on Sunday, I guess I'm on the wrong part of the "continuum" of acceptance. I work and work and work, and all I get back is "please give me the status on these cases" and "some of your disability cases are very, very old. This negatively affects our statistics." Yet, I've been asking for a month -if not more- for extra help or time or something and nothing gives. Technically, I am still a trainee. But I have not one shred of evidence of that, besides the mistakes I am constantly making. Asking for understand and help is meaningless. Instead they pile on more work- you must do these appeals on Friday, no excuses, even getting your claims adjudicated is less important. Go up to the front and take social security card applications. Never mind that you get paid 33% more than the Service Reps because you have more training and it's a waste of government resources. Nevermind that, just remember we want to empty out the lobby by 4:00. Also, we have unassigned appointments because we didn't account for the people out on vacation and you need to fit those interviews into your day, too. Oh, and don't forget your internet and mail claims.

I think I've come to a very important conclusion. Nothing new, and just a reminder of my past. I hate stress, and even more, I hate being surounded by a critical and nonsupportive management team. No amount of money is worth it, because the frustration spills into my life outside of work. I have so, so much trouble leaving work at work when work isn't going well. I literally have nightmares that are directly related to my stress about desperatley wanting to get all my cases done (I am quite aware that every case represents a person waiting on benefits they NEED), but not having any chance in hell that may sometime happen. Our workload is simply impossible. Take away the four or five interviews I do a day, and it would take me about two weeks of uniterrupted work to "catch up". Instead, people have come to me, trusted me with their claim, thought, hey, this government employee is actually nice and caring, and then later find out that, nice or caring aside, that government worker didn't get their check out on time. And you can't even get her on the phone because there aren't enough phone lines so they are literally ALWAYS busy. Or maybe she took two months instead of two weeks to get my case to the DDS (Disability Determination Service).

Sure, maybe if I worked 10 hours a day and racked up the credit hours it would help, but you know what? First of all, I signed up for EIGHT hours a day. Second of all, every extra minute I spend now turns into time off later. AND, I'd be extra cranky and not nice to my claimants because I would have to be at work by 7 AM.

Sure, I'm about to get a huge raise in March to a GS-11 instead of a GS-9 and that means a salary of $53,000 a year. That's a lot in my book, and more than I'd be at if I was still at the payment center in Baltimore. But WHO CARES? No amount of money is worth dreading getting up each day and not enjoying your life.

So, please, please, please say a prayer for me. I need to ask God to take away my desire for the people around me to consider me "good" and "productive". I need to remember that I am celebrated in God's eyes, and my value is not determined by what I do, how well I do it, or what other people think of me. I also need to remember that God is in control and there is some reason and specific people I will effect that I am in this job at this time. I also need to remember that any job I would go to will not change these problems. All jobs have stress and frustrations. Band Directing was the same way for me, and for awhile, so was being a Benefit Authorizer in Baltimore. It's a flesh problem, folks, and it's ugly. Very ugly.

By the way, in case you have no idea, I have had problems with depression a long time. Hmm. Almost ten years now. It runs in my family. Overall, I am tons better now, but sometimes taking the meds isn't enough. There's the chemical side, sure, but it's a lot more complicated than that. And it is almost always a daily struggle.

Thanks for letting me vent. Guess I better go get dinner going. Hope you had a better day than me! And always let me know if you have a prayer request or some comment to make me laugh. Send me an email anytime!